Donna Dawi

FINDING LOVE
As the title suggests, you probably know that I’ll be sharing on the matters of the heart. The triggers are many but I’ll share just one. About more than a month ago, my friends and I met up and hanged out. At one point as we were talking and joking over our meal, somebody mentioned, “Eh, so and so has got married.” And the rest of us continued, “Oh ya kan? So and so pun sudah enganged.” Almost in unison, we then recited this phrase, “And here we (the singles) are…” and laughed!
Naa.. what’s my point and where am I getting at?
Understandably, love relationship is a big thing. Left alone to our feelings, reasoning and decisions, we might wander and our eyes easily turned away from that which truly matters. After all, ‘love is blind’, so they say. The Bible however tells this: “Guard your heart above all things, for it determines the course of your life.” (Proverbs 4:23)
Needless to say, we desperately need the Wonderful Counselor to grant us wisdom and guide us through. (I have been praying and asked whether I should really made this (sharing) public. Quite different from my previous reflections, here however, I kinda lay my soul bare. Please understand that I am writing as a weak mid-twenties human being with longings and desires, who get smitten when watching romantic movies or seeing couples holding hands in the public.. not mentioning a few number of times when I have foolishly acted too soon and too slow to realize my folly. In other words, I am writing not because I know a lot, but because I have learnt (quite) a lot.)
Even so, above and beyond my human err, may you buddies, behold the Wonderful Counselor in my sharing for this idea is originally His. May you benefit from His counsels, I’m just a vessel. Essentially, what I’m doing is simply to heed Matthew 10:27 “What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs.”
Additionally, another yet evident confirmation I received prior to this was; “Whenever God gives us His inspiration, suddenly taking the initiative becomes moral issue – a matter of obedience.” –Oswald Chambers.
Alright… before we begin our journey, I think it might be helpful if I share with you the framework of my sharing:
a. Companionship – “Who’s idea is it?”
b. Waiting – “God seems to be so silent.. For how long? What am I to do?”
c. Answered prayer – “Praise God, my prayer is answered! So, what’s next?”
d. Unanswered prayer/ Unfulfilled wish – “Is God hiding something good from me?”
Okay.. that’s basically the big picture of my sharing. However, before commencing with our journey, let’s get our foundation solidly laid.
To this end, I love to share an insight by Franchis Chan in his book, “You and Me Forever”:
“I know this is supposed to be about people, but forget about people for a moment. Let’s focus on something bigger: GOD. Focus on something more important: your relationship with God. This relationship is far more critical than your relationship, for it is everlasting. This may come as a shock but Jesus taught that marriages don’t carry over into heaven. In Matthew 22, Jesus was asked about a hypothetical widow who continues to remarry. The religious leaders of the day were asking Jesus which husband this woman would be married to in heaven. Jesus answered:
“... In the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.” (Matthew 22:30)
Maybe Jesus’ statement is hard for you to accept. It’s hard to imagine that you are no longer married to the person you loved most. However, there are two comforts you might want to hear: 
1. this doesn’t mean that you and your partner are no longer deeply in love. My guess is that you and your partner will be even closer for you exist in glorified bodies with the absence of sins. 
2. you will have a union with God which is guaranteed to be better than any earthly closeness you might be experiencing now!
While the Bible helps us understand what relationship/marriage is and how it works, it is not a book about marriage. It is a book about God. It teaches about our God by revealing His character, describing His past actions and telling us His future plans. When we consider the biblical story-line as a whole, our over-prioritization of our human relationship looks absurd. The Bible begins with a Being so powerful that His words command non-existent things to exist, and they obey. It presents us with a Being so holy that He once drowned every person on earth, sparing only the eight people who still looked to Him. It is a book full of examples of God punishing the arrogant and blessing the humble. And the Bible concludes with a terrifying future judgment, where every person is cast eternally into either a place of perfect pleasure in union with God or a place of ultimate pain apart from Him.
God takes the center stage in every story of Scripture. He is the Creator of life, the Judge and the Savior. So while the Bible does talk about marriage/relationship, let’s be careful not to use it to find merely tips on relationships. There is a much, much bigger picture. Draw close to Him and your relationship shall be an overflow of that. When things are right with God, your relationship can be what it was designed to be. Agree on God- agree on His holiness and agree on His supremacy.”
Taking into consideration F.C’s counsel and thereby with God in mind, we can now proceed with “a. Companionship – Who’s idea is it?” 
To answer this, come, buddy.. let’s revisit the Garden of Eden.
Scripture reference: Adam and Eve (Genesis 2:18-22)
“Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him. So the LORD God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.
So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the LORD God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.”
Issue: Man’s needs and longing.
Attribute of God: All-knowing. A Great Provider. The Giver behind ‘every good and perfect gift’.
Elaboration: Buddies, did you realize whose initiative was it in the beginning? Even before the man knew the missing puzzle in his life, His Creator took care of it. Then again, who actually brought who to who? The LORD was and still is and will do! He brought the woman to the man. See, not only He is the Giver of our lives but He’s also the Great Choreographer behind our life events! “How precious are your thoughts about me, o God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand!... (Psalm 139:17-18)
Reflection : Dear ladies, notice that we are not to be just an accessory but ‘a helper who is just right’ for our partner. I examined myself and consequently feel inadequate for such a privileged position. How do I know this? Come on, I’ve lived with myself close to a quarter of century and this I know concerning myself: Though it’s true I am born again in the Spirit, but the traces of the lowly-nature, the old life still tend to resurrect from time to time. Evidences? I still get cranky, irrational, adamant, stubborn, selfish, self-preserving, etc: letting the flesh get the better of me. Hence, I desperately need the ‘Helper/Advocate/the Wonderful Counselor’ before I can be one to my only one (Wah, look at how they rhyme!) For me to be ‘a helper who is just right’… there is only one way, and it’s narrow… there must be MORE of Him, and less of me!
Naa.. having known the Initiator, let’s move on to the second part:
b. Waiting – “God seems to be so silent.. For how long? What am I to do?”
Scripture reference: Abram and Sarai (see Genesis 16 &17)
Situation: God had promised Abram and Sarai a son. However, Sarai hadn’t been able to bear children for Abram. So, she asked Abram to sleep with their servants as was the custom in those days.
Quoting from a Bible Study note, 
“When Abram acted on Sarai’s suggestion to father a child through her maidservant Hagar (Genesis 16:2-3), it was not an incomplete unbelief. It seems Abram had not yet realized God would produce the line of inheritance from Sarai’s body (Gen 17:15-19), as well as from his (as promised in Gen 15:4). Sarai’s suggestion was an acceptable practice in the society in which they lived. According to the Code of Hammurabi (the code of law derived from the Babylonians around 1800 BC) and the cuneiform records of the Nuzi tablets (circa 1450 – 1350 BC), the purpose of marriage was mainly procreation. If the wife could not bear children, her husband expected her to provide a handmaid to have children for her.
Abram’s faith had been severely tested, Ten long years had elapsed since God had given the original promise regarding an heir (Gen 12:2, 7 and 15:4-5). However, in this case, the thoughts of Sarai and Abram were human plans rather than God’s plans. Sarai even sacrificed her own rights when she gave Hagar to her husband in the mistaken notion that such self-sacrifice would be pleasing to God. According to the original biblical ideal of monogamy (2:24), Sarai’s offer of her slave as a secondary wife for Abram was wrong and sinful. Abram and Sarai believed the substance of the promise; but the way they sought its fulfillment revealed a confused kind of faith that was mixed with unbelief in God’s power to do the impossible. They were impatient. True faith waits for God’s time.”
Issue: They believed the substance of God’s promise, but the method they used to seek after its fulfillment shows a mixture of faith mixed with unbelief.
Attribute of God: A Promise-keeping God. His way is higher than our way.
Elaboration: It could have been beautiful should they did not jump to action but patiently wait on God. Sadly, what was earlier thought as an act of grace soon ended up chaotically. Sarai blamed Abram. Hagar blamed Sarai, Abram sent Hagar off; a total wreck. Thereby, we should not lean on our own understanding but trust in the LORD with all our heart. Do away with the popular opinion saying, “Just follow your heart~”. NO! The Bible warns, “There is a way that seems right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.” (Proverbs 14:12).
Reflection: Waiting is never an easy task. However, walking by faith and not by sight, the growth we gain from waiting on God is often greater than the answer or result we desire. It is during this tender valley moment we learn to wholly lean on the Most High and not anything less.
Quoting C.H Spurgeon, “If the LORD Jehovah makes us wait, let us do so with our whole hearts; for blessed are all they that wait for Him. He is worth waiting for. The waiting itself is beneficial for us; it tries faith, exercises patience, trains submission and endears the blessings when it comes. The Lord’s people have always been a waiting people.”
c. Answered prayer – “Praise God, my prayer is answered! So, what’s next?”
Scripture reference: 1 Samuel 1:1-2, 
“There was a man named Elkanah who lived in Ramah in the region of Zuph in the hill country of Ephraim. He was the son of Jeroham, son of Elihu, son of Tohu, son of Zuph, of Ephraim. Elkanah had two wives, Hannah and Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah did not.
Each year Elkanah would travel to Shiloh to worship and sacrifice to the LORD of Heaven’s Armies at the Tabernacle. The priests of the LORD at that time were the two sons of Eli—Hophni and Phinehas. On the days Elkanah presented his sacrifice, he would give portions of the meat to Peninnah and each of her children. And though he loved Hannah, he would give her only one choice portion[b] because the LORD had given her no children. So Peninnah would taunt Hannah and make fun of her because the LORD had kept her from having children. Year after year it was the same—Peninnah would taunt Hannah as they went to the Tabernacle. Each time, Hannah would be reduced to tears and would not even eat.
“Why are you crying, Hannah?” Elkanah would ask. “Why aren’t you eating? Why be downhearted just because you have no children? You have me—isn’t that better than having ten sons?”
Hannah’s Prayer for a Son. Once after a sacrificial meal at Shiloh, Hannah got up and went to pray. Eli the priest was sitting at his customary place beside the entrance of the Tabernacle. Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the LORD. And she made this vow: “O LORD of Heaven’s Armies, if you will look upon my sorrow and answer my prayer and give me a son, then I will give him back to you. He will be yours for his entire lifetime, and as a sign that he has been dedicated to the LORD, his hair will never be cut.”
Situation: Hannah had been longing for a child. Despite being deeply loved by her husband, it however, couldn’t soothe her longing for a child.
Issue: Where do we place our hope and cast our cares?
Attribute of God: A loving God who answers prayers. 
Cast your cares unto the LORD for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
Come to me all you who labor and are heavy laden, And I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28
Elaboration: Hannah wrestled / fought on her knees and requested directly from the LORD. AND WHEN HER PRAYER WAS ANSWERED, SHE GLADLY DEDICATED HIM BACK TO GOD.
Reflection: It’s humbling to learn from Hannah’s example. Yes, she really longed for her desire to be fulfilled by the LORD. No, she would not let the answered prayer be her idol. Eventually, she dedicated the very person she had prayed for to the LORD. That, to me.. is so astounding!
What would that look like in a love relationship? Essentially, for singles, I thought our future spouse is our ‘Samuel’ – “I asked the LORD for you” (1 Samuel 1:20). Naa, what then should happen after God finally answers our prayer and His beautiful timing eventually arrives. What do we do then? Hmm.. Illustratively speaking,, I think it might look something like this:
“Now that we are together, it does not mean that your wings are clipped. In fact, since two is better than one, I pray that my presence would encourage you to fly high and soar in the sky. This I also know, it comes with risks and sacrifice. However, in light of God’s love as the backdrop of our relationship and Christ at the centre, I trust when I am weak He is strong.. and He would enable me to love you fearlessly.”
(just as I finished the sentence above, the Wonderful Counselor brought to remembrance Joshua 24:15 “As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.” Isn’t that exactly what I was trying to say? Wow!! Thanks Wonderful Counselor!)
For a living example, allow me to quote Susannah Spurgeon who wisely reasoned, "..My chosen husband was no ordinary man, that his whole life was absolutely dedicated to God and His service, and that I must never, never hinder him by trying to put myself first in his heart." 
What an excellent example!
d. Unanswered prayer/ Unfulfilled wish – “Is God hiding something good from me?”
Wah.. we have journeyed together quite a distance now, buddy. In fact, we have now arrived at the climax point.
What if s/he never comes? What if our prayers are met with deafening silence? Would our view of God be distorted? Would we think He is hiding something good from us? It’s important to examine our heart and address this issue, buddy.
I confess at one point, I grew impatient of the deafening silence and sort of demanding an answer from the LORD; “Why does it seem so far yet so near, LORD? Why is the deafening silence?” The wrestle in my mind continued for a few days until one day… I was struck when He answered, “If I do not grant your heart’s desire, and you are to be single all the days of your life… would you still follow me, Would Christ be enough for you?” At that moment, I felt like my face was splashed with cold water! Instantly, I came to realize how I have idolized the little him above the BIG HIM. I praise the LORD for correcting me then and there. It’s easy to lose sight of the LORD as our great portion when we desire something more than Him.
In my heart however, I knew and I knew and I knew… only the LORD can satisfy!
Psalm 63:3 YOUR UNFAILING LOVE IS BETTER THAN LIFE ITSELF;
HOW I PRAISE YOU!
To close, I’ll quote A.W Tozer,
“ The only fear I have is to fear to get out of the will of God. Outside the will of God, there’s nothing I want, and in the will of God, there’s nothing I fear, for God has sworn to keep me in His will. If I’m out of His will that’s another matter. But if I’m in His will, He’s sworn to keep me.”
*a sharing to encourage my friends and all the ladies out there (^o^,)(")